What To Do When Your Happy Place Isn’t
I recently arrived in one of my nomad homes in my favorite city to date. It’s our third date and we hadn’t seen each other for 9 months. I had been counting down the days for this date for the last 4 of those months. In my mind’s eye, I played the arrival for our last two dates over and over.
I’d catch myself with a goofy smile of anticipation as I crossed the state line, knowing it was the home stretch of my 20+ hour drive. I’d feel warmth from the sun through my windshield. I’d marvel at the blueness of the sky. I’d open my sunroof, turning up the radio to sing out of tune with greater gusto. I’d pass through the beautifully landscaped trees lining both sides of Main Street appreciating their symmetry, just like the first time. I’d take a deep breath to see if I could smell the salt in the air waft off the beach, up the bluff, between the houses and right in my window. I’d catch myself exhale deeply, and let go of that tension in my shoulders, and that holding on that can silently creep up on us during busy stressful times. I’m home, I’d think. I’m home.
Well, that’s not what happened. I got as far as opening all the windows and belting out a favorite song with renewed giddy enthusiasm and then not so long after it hit me. The stench of dead fish. Not the lingering smell of a nicely prepared and enjoyed fish dinner. No, this was more like when you suspect an animal has crawled under your house and died and you can’t quite get the smell out of your nose. And it didn’t stop there. I arrived to my little rental to find I had neighbors who smoke — chain smoke outside on a porch within a stone’s throw distance — from 6am until midnight — as it turns out. It’s certainly their choice, it’s just their choice opts me in without my consent if I opened a door or window or wanted to sit on my porch.
This rapidly became the kind of date where you think into the future and wonder… when we’re old and not as mobile, or healthy, and after we know each other’s stories will we have a strong enough foundation to find connection and enjoyment together? In this case, without the beach, the porch, the internet (it’s another story), the bike path, and the general clean air serenity of being here (so all the bells and whistles) …..well, I’ve pretty much not thought of much else since arriving.
Discovering our happy place isn’t happy anymore is a predictably phase in the pattern of change. While my circumstances aren’t the norm as I don’t have a regular “home” to go back to, change happens to us both from the inside out and from the outside in. At times, how we feel and experience something familiar suddenly changes and at other times, we continue to roll along in our day to day and something unexpected forces us to adapt and change. Some of these changes cause us to scramble for a new plan. Other times we have time to be practiced in self-reflection, the language of noticing, to discover the clues to what’s next.
As someone who often working with others around these types of issues, here are some of my go to reminders. Perhaps they time well for you right now as they are certaintly important for me right now.
So with these reminders to you and for me, what happens now on my date with this particular city? Well, …… I’ll keep you posted as I listen to more than my brain and revisit my tipping points.
While I’m doing that…what’s happening in your life that could benefit from these reminders?
Originally published at https://thebraincoachway.com on November 15, 2018.
